31 Days Towards Financial Freedom ~ Day 8 *THE RELUCTANT SPOUSE"

Saturday, October 8, 2011

So you're all fired up and ready to cut your spending and eliminate your debt! You have gone over the budget with your husband and he has seemed to agree (he was most likely agreeing so you would stop talking so he could go back to watching the game ;-)) then IT happens...he walks in the door with a brand new set of golf clubs!

Your first instinct is to yell at him about how selfish he is and how he isn't really on board at all! DON'T DO IT!  If you nag and make him feel worthless now, he will just resist further.  Remember you want this process to strengthen your marriage, not destroy it.  This is your opportunity to show respect to your husband and sit down in a loving manner to face the issue head on. 

In my humble opinion this is where you need to look at the budget and see whether or not you are being unreasonable or if your husband is just recklessly spending.  Did you cut his blow money from being able to spend without care to $5 a week?  If your husband is not sure about this process yet and not completely on board, then you may need to take a step back from your intensity and allow a little more wiggle room for the free spirit.  In this case I would find out how much blow money he thinks is reasonable and give him that and work out the rest of the budget accordingly.

If you decide to give your husband more blow money or let him keep his expensive football programing, while you are skimping in every area possible, don't get bitter!  This is HUGE!!  If you cut back and just get bitter and make him feel guilty every time he spends his money or watches his "stupid game" then you certainly aren't on the road to strengthening your marriage. 

The biggest chance you have to get a reluctant spouse on board is to continue with the plan, cut where you are able on your own, and show him the progress.  Lead by example, without bitterness, and pray that he will see the light {not a bad idea to remind him what life would be like with NO DEBT}

Think if you were the one doing all the spending and your husband was on a strict budget and really focused on getting out of debt and he showed you the progress that had been made...would you feel proud or guilty?  I know if it was me that I would start to feel guilty and slowly try to start changing my ways or hopefully completely jump on board! 

What if your husband nagged you everyday and pointed out all the ways that you were causing the financial problems...would you want to change or would you resist things more?  If I did change at this point I would be resentful and bitter, but most likely I would choose to spend more just because I would feel controlled and caged in!

Love and respect will get you far in a marriage.  Bitterness and resentment will destroy you!  Feel proud of yourself and pray for change. 

In an ideal world you and your spouse would be on the same page and tackle your finances together, but we all know it is not a perfect world.  Have faith and continue the journey.


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